


Like a Sack of Bricks

by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie Diaz Manages to Squeeze an Entire Emotional Crisis into One Dishwashing Session, Five Stages of Realizing You're in Love with Your Best Friend, Getting Together, M/M, Soft Eddie Diaz, You're All Morons (Not You Christopher You're an Angel and We're Lucky to Have You), idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23866789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/pseuds/letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
Summary: One word from Christopher, and Eddie's realizing he's made a serious miscalculation about his best friend.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 153
Kudos: 1802





	Like a Sack of Bricks

It’s just after dinner when it happens.

Eddie’s cleaning up the plates from the coffee table, while Christopher’s sprawled out on the couch. They’ve had a big day, going to Griffith Observatory, then the park, and then pizza and a movie. Buck’s putting the movie away and Christopher is out like a fucking light.

“I should put him to…” Eddie sets own a glass, but Buck’s already moving.

“Nah, nah, I got it.” He crouches down in front of Christopher. “Hey, buddy.”

Christopher yawns, stretches, and gives Buck one of those smiles that melts Eddie’s heart. God, he loves his kid. “Hey.”

“Time to go to bed, okay? Can I tuck you in?”

And Christopher says, eyes clear and awake, “Okay, Dad.”

Eddie drops the plate he was holding and it falls to the ground with a smash.

Christopher jolts in surprise, and Buck’s face is bright pink. “Ah, close, buddy, but it’s Buck.”

“I know.” Christopher just smiles at him, and Eddie would drop another plate if he had one in his other hand. Gravity doesn’t seem to be working in his stomach anymore.

Buck scoops Christopher up. He’s still blushing. “Great. Well. Let’s get you all tucked in, okay? Bedtime!”

He just about dashes off with Christopher, making himself scarce, and Eddie—Eddie’s legs give out and he sits down on the coffee table with an audible thump.

_Dad?_

Buck isn’t replacing him. Eddie knows that. He’s got a lot of insecurities but worrying about his best friend replacing him isn’t one of them. He trusts Buck with Christopher more than he trusts any other person—if something were to happen to him, he wants Buck to take Chris (and won’t his parents throw a fit about _that_ when they hear it). Buck comes to him with permission for things before he does them, and has ideas that Eddie hadn’t even thought of (like the skateboard). They do things _together_ with Chris, and so—

…Jesus Christ. Buck’s been parenting his kid.

Eddie thinks back, his mind racing. When was the last time they had a day without Buck in it? If Buck’s not on duty, he’s here, playing games with Chris, helping him with his homework, goofing off. Buck’s here more than he’s at his own damn apartment, that’s why it’s so clean, Buck’s never around long enough to mess it up.

And Christopher… seems okay with this? Eddie’s aware that he can’t do it all. He watched his mom try to do that, and he also watched his abuela clucking her tongue and telling his father _it takes a village_. Buck being there is good, it’s great, and of course Christopher’s got so much fucking love in his heart that he pulls something like this, but…

Okay, okay, honestly—it’s what people are gonna think if they hear Christopher say that in public. _Daddy! Dad!_ Two men, both being addressed as parents. People are gonna assume…

Eddie makes himself get up and cross to the kitchen for a broom and dustpan. It’s not that he’s homophobic, fuck no, it’s more the idea that people will believe something that’s not true. That they’ll think he and Buck are together when they’re not. And sure, he’s not gonna be offended, exactly. Buck’s hot, he could have anyone he wanted, the idea that someone like _that,_ someone who’s so open and loving and eager, so supportive, so ready to be in a relationship he’s chomping at the bit—the idea that someone chose _him…_

Wait. Does he _want_ Buck to choose him?

He grabs the cleaning supplies and deals with that. Can’t have any of them cutting themselves on broken glass because he’s a dumbass.

Would it… hurt? If someone said, _you have a great son,_ and Buck said something like, _ah, no, we’re not together, he’s not my kid?_ Buck would only say the last part out of respect to Eddie, that’s not the part that stings. It’s the idea of Buck… denying.

But Buck would have to deny, because he’s not, they’re not…

Fuck, is Buck even into men? Eddie’s not sure. Buck’s only two serious relationships (and one could argue how serious that last one was) were with women, but he’s also noticed Buck’s been a bit… gender neutral when talking about frat party hookups in college.

Even if he’s into men, though, why would he be into Eddie? Eddie’s a fuckin’ _mess_. He’s a single dad with PTSD and a dead wife he’s angry with and problems communicating… just ask his latest (and only) attempt at a relationship with Christopher’s teacher, that sure crashed and burned spectacularly.

The plate cleaned up, Eddie dumps the remains in the trash and then grabs the other dishes to wash them. If he doesn’t do something to occupy himself he’s going to start tearing the walls down.

Why does it matter so much that Buck wouldn’t be into him? It doesn’t matter. Does it? He’s not… so sometimes when he was a teenager he… but y’know. Everyone wonders about that kind of thing, right? They look at Patrick Swayze and kind of think maybe…

He does not have time to be panicking about this. He does not have time to be wondering if maybe he’s more into men than a passing thought and he _really_ doesn’t have time to be wondering if he’s into his best goddamn friend. Buck’s the best relationship he’s ever had and he’s not going to mess that up—

 _Fuck,_ did Christopher say that because he’s… noticed something!? Has Eddie been treating Buck like a spouse and he didn’t know it? Shit. Come to think of it he does rely on Buck not just for Christopher but for picking up groceries, or helping with the laundry. Buck volunteers himself, asks if Eddie’s out of milk or if he can help fold the clothes, but still. Jesus. Has he been taking advantage of Buck’s friendship?

He starts drying the clean dishes. Okay, obviously, they need to talk. He needs to apologize for taking advantage of Buck’s kindness and friendship. And he needs to… tactfully find some way to convey the idea that Buck denying he’s in a relationship with Eddie to some stranger has him feeling kind of like he’s been stabbed.

That makes no sense, even in his head.

If Buck felt something for him he’d say something, right? They’ve been friends for ages, if Buck saw them getting this close and wanted more he’d make a move, wouldn’t he? Buck’s the opposite of subtle and he’s also the opposite of restrained. Nah, if he didn’t say anything, it’s because he doesn’t want anything.

And it’s starting to sound to himself like Eddie wants something.

If he thinks about it… yeah. Buck’s easy on the eyes. More than. There’ve been a couple times, like in the kitchen during their talk about fight club, when Buck’s looked at him from under his lashes and Eddie’s felt a weird curl of heat that he just sort of ignored. And Buck’s so fucking eager for approval, for a firm hand, that Eddie knows if he got Buck into his bed he could—

Okay, that’s a dangerous line of thought. Moving on from _that_ real quick.

Eddie starts putting the dishes away. So. Buck’s good looking. He’s there for Christopher, hell, he’s everything Eddie could ever want in a co-parent. And Buck’s funny, and sweet, and the person Eddie trusts the most, relies on the most. Dating Buck would be… it’d be _easy._ God, they wouldn’t even have to change anything, would they? The only difference is that when Buck gives him that sly look under his lashes, his legs splayed and his body open, inviting, Eddie could actually stroll up to him and…

_Kiss him. You could kiss him._

He could. He could, and now that the image is in his head he can’t get it out. He could kiss his best friend. He could kiss _Buck._

It would be fun. Easy. Not that he’s ever seen Buck in action but he can see it so fucking well in his mind’s eye, getting a fist in the front of Buck’s shirt and pulling him in, sliding his tongue between Buck’s lips. Jesus Christ. He has to pause and grip the edge of the kitchen counter, lust hitting him like a sack of bricks to the face.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit _shit_ he’s in love, isn’t he? He’s fucking in love with his best friend and he somehow missed the goddamn notice on that, Jesus Christ, Eddie, get it together, Buck practically _lives_ at his place, he parents his kid so much that Christopher just called him _Dad,_ the partner he was looking for was right in front of his fucking face this entire time and he didn’t even realize, what kind of dumbass is he?

What the fuck is he supposed to do about this?

“He’s asleep.” Buck walks back into the room like he’s expecting a bomb to go off. “I’ll, uh, just get my stuff and go.”

Shit. “I’m sorry he—I can explain to him—”

“What?” Buck stares at him like Eddie’s grown a second head. “Why the fuck are _you_ apologizing? I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

Now that makes no sense. “My kid called you his dad, Buck, that’s gotta be awkward.”

“Yeah, for _you._ ” Buck takes a step closer. Jesus fuck, why has Eddie never noticed how adorable the guy looks when he’s earnest? Was he just not letting himself? “You’re his dad, Eddie, you always will be, I would never want to replace that.”

“I know that, that’s not what—Chris knows I’m his dad. He just… seems to think of you as his dad too, I guess.” Eddie tries to think if there were signs he missed. Has Christopher been drawing Buck into his family pictures? Eddie wants to ransack his kid's room this second to find out.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Buck says, very softly. His hand goes to his waist, fiddling with a belt loop. “If he did… I love that kid, man, I love him so much. He’s family to me. But I don’t want—I’m not gonna step on your toes, I never would.”

“You aren’t,” Eddie promises. “You’re not, I promise. And I—Christopher needs more than just me. We’re lucky to have you, Buck. I told you, there’s nobody I trust with him more than you. That’s still true, it always will be.”

Buck nods, ducking his head down, his face pink. “Um. Great. I’m. I’m gonna…”

“You still want to leave?”

“No, I mean, I just.” He looks up again, rubbing at the back of his neck, and he looks like a puppy that’s expecting to be kicked. “Y’know. Usually when kids… it’s not just my relationship to him, y’know, it’s my relationship to…”

So, Buck’s done the same math that Eddie has. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, no, don’t.” Buck shakes his head. “Please don’t.”

“No, no, I need to, it’s not fair to you, what I’ve done.”

“You haven’t done anything to me that I didn’t ask for, I mean, shit Eddie I’ve been invading your personal space for months, I did your laundry last week. This is all on me.”

“I took advantage—”

“You didn’t take advantage of shit, okay? It’s not your fault I’m—”

“The thing is I didn’t even realize—”

“—feeling this way, and I tried to hide it because I would never, you know I would never ruin our friendship, you gotta believe that—”

“—that I was doing this to you and putting you in a relationship you didn’t want.”

Buck grinds to a halt in the middle of whatever tirade he’s working himself into and stares at Eddie with his mouth open. “What?”

Eddie gets the distinct impression that he missed a piece of the math equation. “I’m… apologizing because I treated you like a spouse and that’s not what we are and you’re straight, right?”

Buck’s mouth closes, opens, then closes again. “…you think I’m straight?”

He definitely missed something. “…right up until you said that, yeah? Mostly?”

Buck looks away. “So. Wait. You. You don’t—you think you have to apologize because… what?”

Eddie’s face is on fire. “I treated you like my romantic partner. And Chris obviously picked up on it. And I didn’t realize I was doing it, but that isn’t an excuse. I’m sorry.”

To his shock, Buck looks like he’s torn between crying or punching something. Or maybe just running out of the room. “It wasn’t you that Chris picked up on, Eddie.”

“What?”

Buck shrugs, does a half-hearted _ta da_ movement with his hands. “It was me. I was. Yeah. I have been. Um. Not sure how long, but then you went… you went under and the whole thing collapsed on you at the farm, and I—fuck. I went dead inside, man. I’ve never felt like that before. And I realized I…” He shrugs. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Eddie’s chest feels like someone’s stuck a bunch of ice-cold needles into it. If Buck’s saying what Eddie thinks he’s saying…

“I’m sorry,” Buck repeats again, sounding broken, _terrified,_ like this is the worst thing that could’ve happened to him, like he’s bad or wrong somehow, and Eddie just wants him to stop looking like that, sounding like that, he’d do anything—so he takes Buck’s face in his hands and kisses him.

He tries to make it soft, make it count, and Buck makes a noise like someone’s slapped him. Eddie pulls away, worried—but Buck chases him, tries to follow, and so Eddie takes a chance and dives back in, kisses him again—and this is harder, messier, the kind of kiss that leaves his chest burning and has Buck’s hands falling to Eddie’s hips.

“Christ,” Buck breathes once they separate, both of them breathing hard. “I had—you thought I was straight? I’ve had the biggest fucking—from day one, you were so—you were prettier than I was and it made me so _mad_. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Fuck, I kept—doing shit just to get you to look at me, and smile, and laugh, Jesus Christ, Eddie, you didn’t know?”

“I didn’t know how I felt until ten minutes ago, Buck, give me a fuckin’ break.” He realizes his thumbs are swiping back and forth across Buck’s cheeks, but Buck’s smiling at him, eyes soft and full of awe like he can’t quite believe this is real.

“I was fucking terrified,” Buck admits. Eddie rests their foreheads together, his hands falling to Buck’s shoulders, and Buck’s hands move around so that his arms are fully around Eddie’s waist. “I thought… you wouldn’t ever.”

The idea that Buck is looking at the screw up pile of sheer mess that is Eddie and has somehow decided _he’s_ the unworthy one is something Eddie’s not ever gonna understand. “Yeah, well. Took me a while but I do.”

It was all right in front of his eyes the entire time, he just had to open them.

He kisses Buck again, because he can, and he wants to sink this feeling into his bones, make sure this is real, something he can grab onto with both hands.

Buck makes this perfect little groaning noise, and for about five minutes it’s perfect, but then—Buck pulls away.

“Sorry, sorry, I gotta…” He shakes his head, like he’s got his own private little joke going on. “I really need to leave now or I’m not gonna leave at all.”

It’s insanely tempting, for a second, to ask him to stay. Eddie’s got his own room, they could close the door. Christopher wouldn’t mind if Buck stayed over, hell, he’d probably be elated.

But he knows Buck’s right. With a kid, the last thing they want is throwing sex into the mix the second they’ve realized they’ve got romantic feelings for each other.

“Yeah.” Eddie smooths out Buck’s shirt, feels all that firm muscle underneath, and swallows hard. “Yeah, you should go.”

Buck steps away, then gives a sheepish smile, like he wants to break out into a happy dance but is holding it back. Eddie takes a deep breath. “Y’know, Christopher’s got that sleepover on Saturday. I was thinking you could come over and we could hang out but we could… go somewhere. See a movie. Walk around the beach.”

Buck pulls a face. “Ah. Maybe not the beach, but. Um. Yes. Yeah, I’d like that. Going out. Somewhere. With you.”

Warmth spreads through Eddie’s entire body and he grins. “All right then. It’s a date.”

_It’s a date._


End file.
